Moofies - Universal Soldier Regeneration

EXPECTATIONS: This is the first time we get to see Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren on screen together since 1992’s Universal Soldier. The fact that they’re both much older and much less famous will just make this that much more entertaining. I’m assuming that I don’t need to recall any of the details from the previous two films, because other than Lundgren spouting “I’m all ears” while showing off his necklace made of human ears, I remember very little.

REALITY: I’m honestly surprised that this was a straight to DVD release. The production values surprised me. It has this gritty feel to it right from the start; so much so that I wondered if we were watching the right movie. It feels more like some kind of political thriller at first, but then we finally see Van Damme in all his wrinkled glory and all is well.

Unfortunately the focus of this film is mostly on UFC fighter Andrei ‘The Pit Bull’ Arlovski, and he is really boring. Sure, the fighting is choreographed pretty well, but where are all the lame one liners and swiping kicks to the face?

After watching a semi-decent, but dull action movie for a while Lundgren finally graces us with his presence and he is huge. His deep voice and his overbearing stature is still awesome. The fact that he’s old and messed up looking just makes it cooler. After much teasing and bla Lundgren and Van Damme finally face off and it is completely worth sitting through all the crap to get to this scene. I won’t spoil it, but the punch line of their fight is sweet.

Once the fight is over we still have to sit through more UFC garbage, but I was satisfied.

**1/2