Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Moofies - Killers (2010)

EXPECTATIONS: I hate Ashton Kutcher. Seriously, whenever he's on screen my skin crawls with disgust. He's not attractive and he seems completely insincere and I hate him. Katherine Heigl, on the other hand, is ridiculously attractive. I remember staying up late to watch Roswell, which was a pretty ordinary show, just to see Heigl, who back then was just 'that hot chick with red hair who I have never seen in anything else ever'. Her awesomeness wasn't enough to get me to watch Grey's Anatomy for more than a couple of episodes, but Killers is just some lighthearted piece of junk movie. I should be able to stomach this, right?

REALITY: WRONG! This was painful.

Kutcher is a hitman (who cares what his "character" name is??) who wants to quit. He meets Heigl while she is on holidays with her parents Tom Selleck and Catherin O'Hara. Heigl and Kutcher have awkward banter, which I guess is supposed to be 'flirting', and then we jump ahead a whole bunch to their wedding day. Then we jump ahead even further to their pathetic suburban existence and Heigl is worried that Kutcher is lying to her about something.

Despite quitting his hitman job years ago after meeting the lovely Heigl, Kutcher is a wanted man by some bad guys for some reason I don't remember or care about. Killers begin chasing him and Heigl is pissed because she has been lied to all these years about Kutcher's previous profession.

After a minimum amount of setup, we spend most of the film watching Heigl and Kutcher hatefully yelling at each other. Yelling isn't really all that funny, especially when the 'love' between these two hasn't been setup at all. The end is predictable and takes far too long to happen, O'Hara tries really hard to be the only funny thing in the film but just comes off as yet another annoying character, Heigl spends the whole time mad and therefore fairly unlikable, and I just want to smash Kutcher in the face every time he's on screen because I loathe him so much.

Some of the action scenes were pretty well choreographed which was a nice surprise, but I didn't really sit through a "romantic" "comedy" to see a good knife fight.


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