Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Moofies - Mega Pirahna (2010)
EXPECTATIONS: Yet another piece of junk with a DVD case that reads something like "watch if you enjoyed movie X, the movie we ripped off almost completely but with a miniscule budget and no talent".
REALITY: I think the people at The Asylum productions must spend a lot of time reading film magazines and trawling imdb, looking for what the next big film will be. They get some mobsters and/or entrepreneurs to throw a little money their way, hire a Z-grade over the hill celebrity and BAM! instant movie that's released alongside it's much better and much more expensive counterpart.
The Asylum is responsible for such atrocities/golden turds as The Terminators and Alien VS Hunter. This is not a joke.
The latest film to get the budget treatment is Pirahna 3D, which in itself was an homage to z-grade films in the first place. Mega Pirahna has a plot not worth mentioning, a muscled chisel jaw action star in Paul Logan, the star of many Asylum films, and a z-grade celeb in Tiffany. Remember Tiffany? Remember how hot and cool she was? Now she looks like someone's Mum and not in a good way. It's just embarrassing.
You remember those old screen savers where a series of cheap colourful 3D fish slowly covered the screen? Well that's what the piranha attacks look like in this film. There was some entertainment to be had in seeing the enormous piranha's jump out of the sea and make buildings blow up, but it's the sort of entertainment best enjoyed with friends and a lot of alcohol.
1/2 a star.