Thursday, April 22, 2010

My Favourite Television Characters Of All Time - Part Four

#4 - He-Man/Prince Adam - a badly animated hazelnut filled condom - Masters of the Universe.

Some of my favourite shows of all time were created to sell a toy line, and Masters of the Universe is probably the ultimate toy selling piece of crap show ever made. Every episode uses at least one piece of animation from a previous episode. Some episodes are made up of 95% animation sequences from previous episodes. It's incredibly bad, but that's all part of the joy of watching it.

According to the introduction to Masters of the Universe (because there was never an episode with a true origin story in the original series) Prince Adam one day held aloft his magic sword and said the words "By the power of Grayskull!" and BOOM!; instantly tanned skin, woolly underwear, a chest plate, and a ton of reverb on his voice. It doesn't stop there though. Adam has a pet, a green tiger called Cringer. Cringer whimpers and hides as Adam changes into He-Man, but He-Man is not sensitive to an animals' needs. He grabs the sharp end of the sword with his left hand (pictured), yells "I have the power", points the sword at Cringer, and a bolt of lightning comes from the sword and turns Cringer into a mutated green tiger with large fangs, a deep voice, with a rocking saddle and head gear.

I enjoy He-Man for his stupidity and reliability. Prince Adam is a buff guy; he looks identical to He-Man except for the skin tone, voice, and clothing. Many, many times I have watched Adam see a situation in which he is perfectly able to help, but instead of saving time and doing a job as himself, he takes the time to change into He-Man first in order to do the most mundane things.

He-Man also likes smashing things/Filmation likes to continually reuse the animation sequence in which He-Man smashes things. There should be a drinking game in which every time He-Man smashes something with his fist you take a drink. I think everyone would be lying in their own filth half way through the second episode.

I also love it when He-Man does his condescending head titled back laugh, which he does nearly every episode. He's such an arrogant ass, and I have no idea why my parents thought he would make a good role model for me at a young age. I was in the Masters of the Universe official fan club and everything. Monthly "newsletters" which consisted of a two page story and a bunch of toy ads were gobbled up by me as a kid. Hell, I'd probably gobble them up if they were sent to me right now at age 30.

The whole show feels like a retarded fantasy art fest, and I still love it, but He-Man is the testosterone filled jerk that holds the show together for me.

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